After a gorgeous weekend in Atlanta, I put together a bit of a long-winded response to Hitch or Ditch 10. This one was truly tough, and I thank you for the advice you each offered to Samantha. If you missed her story, please read it here.

Judging by the responses, I think it is safe to say that everyone feels my concern for this young, beautiful, bright girl. It pains me to think that she feels like there are only two options.  True, none of the hands are easily played; however, all of them can play out and in drastically different ways.

I am NEVER in support of a parent forcing their child to get married.  In my opinion, it serves no one when you force them to wed.  At this age, the two of them should be getting to know each other AND themselves.  I can be certain that, if these 2 young people are forced to get married, they will more than likely wind up getting a divorce within 3 years – then what has been accomplished?  The child has been brought into an unhappy home; the parents are focused on why their marriage isn’t working; and in the end, everyone is right back where they were before they said “I Do.”

I did some research, and what I found was startling.  For Samantha, if she marries at her age, the likelihood that she will get divorced in 5 years is 30%, 10 years is 50% (which lands their child at a very crucial age to be caught in the middle), and by 15 years almost 70% of teen marriages have ended in divorce.  I got this information from The Center For Law and Social Policy.

I just want to look at her mother and say, “What are you thinking? Support her emotionally and maybe some financially.”  I do think that she should get a full time job and take care of her child if she chooses to keep it.  I will NOT be chiming in on the abortion issue here.  I am a firm believer that a woman has the right to choose what to do with her body, and as a man, it is not my place to even enter into that discussion.

In addition to the full time job, she should go to college.  She may have to miss out on a few things, but the child has to come first.  It is my thought that at this point she will no longer be continuing her education for herself but rather for her child.  Perhaps Reid can decide to go to the same college, and they can share responsibility.  There are so many options here for the two of them, and I would like for her to see that point.  This is not going to be an easy situation, however nothing worth having is ever easy! Show of hands for those who agree?!  I know she can do this.

To Samantha, who no doubt will read this, I do not pity you, but I do support you and know that this child can be a gift.  You are smart and outgoing, and this is something that you CAN handle.  You made an adult decision and now you have to make even more choices.  If you and Reid still want to get married after college, then I support you.   I want you to know one thing if nothing else sinks in…You don’t have to trade in your future for the baby and visa versa. You can have both! It will be hard, but it can be done! I know my views are a bit out of the norm, but hey, since when have I ever been the “NORM?” 

You can do it,

Christopher Macken

Thursday has arrived once again – only now it is Friday! Time for Hitch or Ditch – Round 9!  The newest entry is below – comment on the blog, Tweet me or shoot me a Facebook message.  I know the following issue is tough. Please offer any advice you may have…..

Hi Mr M Famous, I really hope you can help me address a problem that is threatening to prevent me from marrying a man that I really do love. My fiance and I are planning to get married in the fall. We have been together for about 5 years. We met in a cycling class at the fitness center in college. He was active on the flag foot ball team for his fraternity, and I was a cross country runner for the University. Since we graduated from college and left our respective sports behind, we have both admittedly been a little more careless with our exercise routines – we were, of course, religious about it in school. Honestly, it is one of the reasons we fell in love so quickly. Our passion for staying fit was a priority for both of us so it made it easy to be together regularly. However, he has taken his careless behavior to a new level over the past 6 months….he has gained almost 60 pounds! It tears me apart to say this, but I am no longer attracted to him. I am still 100% in love with his heart, but his outward appearance is such a turnoff. I am a very visual person. I take good care of myself for that reason. I NEED to be equally attracted physically and mentally. I know he is self conscious and sensitive about his weight gain, so I have tried to be understanding, but we are edging towards a point of no return. And, on top of it all, I have to say, I kind of feel like it isn’t fair that I signed up to marry one guy that has morphed into another. I hate feeling that way, but it is the honest truth. I have tried a few subtle hints and I try to keep junk out of the house, but he is not catching on. Lately, I have found myself avoiding wedding planning that NEEDS to be done and I think I am subconsciously putting it off. What do you think?

Anonymous

So,  everyone what do we think – Tweet Me, Facebook Me or comment below.  Anonymous needs our help!

Be M Famous

CMC