Hitch or Ditch…Round 9!
Thursday has arrived once again – only now it is Friday! Time for Hitch or Ditch – Round 9! The newest entry is below – comment on the blog, Tweet me or shoot me a Facebook message. I know the following issue is tough. Please offer any advice you may have…..
Hi Mr M Famous, I really hope you can help me address a problem that is threatening to prevent me from marrying a man that I really do love. My fiance and I are planning to get married in the fall. We have been together for about 5 years. We met in a cycling class at the fitness center in college. He was active on the flag foot ball team for his fraternity, and I was a cross country runner for the University. Since we graduated from college and left our respective sports behind, we have both admittedly been a little more careless with our exercise routines – we were, of course, religious about it in school. Honestly, it is one of the reasons we fell in love so quickly. Our passion for staying fit was a priority for both of us so it made it easy to be together regularly. However, he has taken his careless behavior to a new level over the past 6 months….he has gained almost 60 pounds! It tears me apart to say this, but I am no longer attracted to him. I am still 100% in love with his heart, but his outward appearance is such a turnoff. I am a very visual person. I take good care of myself for that reason. I NEED to be equally attracted physically and mentally. I know he is self conscious and sensitive about his weight gain, so I have tried to be understanding, but we are edging towards a point of no return. And, on top of it all, I have to say, I kind of feel like it isn’t fair that I signed up to marry one guy that has morphed into another. I hate feeling that way, but it is the honest truth. I have tried a few subtle hints and I try to keep junk out of the house, but he is not catching on. Lately, I have found myself avoiding wedding planning that NEEDS to be done and I think I am subconsciously putting it off. What do you think?
Anonymous
So, everyone what do we think – Tweet Me, Facebook Me or comment below. Anonymous needs our help!
Be M Famous
CMC
Katie on 11 Mar 2011 at 4:48 pm #
I am currently working on this same issue. My boyfriend has put on a few pounds, and I am still attracted to him but still want him to not lose himself completely. I started working out and running. While I don’t see him everyday, I talk to him about how much energy I have and how great I feel and how I get positive responses about it. I make an effort to let him know how excited I am about working out. He started running recently and those pounds have turned to muscle and now I am attracted to him more than ever.
I recommend doing the same thing. You cannot ask him to do something you yourself are not willing to do yourself. Also, make more meals. Substitute whole grain with everything, cut down anything with high fructose corn syrup, incorporate more dark leafy greens (spinach), and try to do more active things as a couple. Go on a hike, put on a work out video together, join a yoga class. Once you are in the fit mindset, it’s contagious.
Above all, remember that you love him. I would talk to him also, but state it as you talking about you like “Wow, I am not as active as I was in college, I am going to change that immediately” and maybe he’ll get the hint without feeling attacked.