After a gorgeous weekend in Atlanta, I put together a bit of a long-winded response to Hitch or Ditch 10. This one was truly tough, and I thank you for the advice you each offered to Samantha. If you missed her story, please read it here.

Judging by the responses, I think it is safe to say that everyone feels my concern for this young, beautiful, bright girl. It pains me to think that she feels like there are only two options.  True, none of the hands are easily played; however, all of them can play out and in drastically different ways.

I am NEVER in support of a parent forcing their child to get married.  In my opinion, it serves no one when you force them to wed.  At this age, the two of them should be getting to know each other AND themselves.  I can be certain that, if these 2 young people are forced to get married, they will more than likely wind up getting a divorce within 3 years – then what has been accomplished?  The child has been brought into an unhappy home; the parents are focused on why their marriage isn’t working; and in the end, everyone is right back where they were before they said “I Do.”

I did some research, and what I found was startling.  For Samantha, if she marries at her age, the likelihood that she will get divorced in 5 years is 30%, 10 years is 50% (which lands their child at a very crucial age to be caught in the middle), and by 15 years almost 70% of teen marriages have ended in divorce.  I got this information from The Center For Law and Social Policy.

I just want to look at her mother and say, “What are you thinking? Support her emotionally and maybe some financially.”  I do think that she should get a full time job and take care of her child if she chooses to keep it.  I will NOT be chiming in on the abortion issue here.  I am a firm believer that a woman has the right to choose what to do with her body, and as a man, it is not my place to even enter into that discussion.

In addition to the full time job, she should go to college.  She may have to miss out on a few things, but the child has to come first.  It is my thought that at this point she will no longer be continuing her education for herself but rather for her child.  Perhaps Reid can decide to go to the same college, and they can share responsibility.  There are so many options here for the two of them, and I would like for her to see that point.  This is not going to be an easy situation, however nothing worth having is ever easy! Show of hands for those who agree?!  I know she can do this.

To Samantha, who no doubt will read this, I do not pity you, but I do support you and know that this child can be a gift.  You are smart and outgoing, and this is something that you CAN handle.  You made an adult decision and now you have to make even more choices.  If you and Reid still want to get married after college, then I support you.   I want you to know one thing if nothing else sinks in…You don’t have to trade in your future for the baby and visa versa. You can have both! It will be hard, but it can be done! I know my views are a bit out of the norm, but hey, since when have I ever been the “NORM?” 

You can do it,

Christopher Macken