“Stay Hitched” or Ditch…Round 4
Hello Thursday! Where have you been all week?!
So, this is Hitch or Ditch – Round 4! Check out our newest entry below – comment on the blog, Tweet me or shoot me a Facebook message. You have until Saturday night at midnight to vote and offer advice! Sunday, as usual, I will tally the votes and give my final rundown of what the public thinks about the fate of these couples. Keep those stories rolling in! Friends, family and coworkers sit down and submit the “on Goings” of your friends’ relationships and let the public be the judge and jury…it’s time to play…Hitch or Ditch…
Mr M Famous,
I can probably guess that I am the first guy you have had write you for help. Maybe not, I don’t know, but man, I need help. This is more of a “stay hitched” or ditch situation. If you don’t want to help because we’re already married, I’ll get it.
Here’s the deal – my wife and I have been married for a little over a year. We have dated since we were 14 and 15, went to the same high school, same college, etc. We shared every first. Not to say too much, but she is literally the only woman I have ever kissed and same for her. She is just a really great girl. I never had to worry about any of that crazy stuff college girls can get into. But over the past few months I have noticed that she has been drinking a little more during the week and spending more time on the weekends with her friends. Dude, in all honesty, I really would not have started to worry, but stupid Facebook caught my eye. She left her page up one night – I’m not even on Facebook – and I noticed that she had a chat screen up. After looking closer, I realized she was chatting with her boss. She works for this small little firm with 2 other people. I saw the word Saturday so I scrolled through their conversation. They were discussing their weekend TOGETHER – she told me she was with friends! It is so unlike her to lie. I didn’t want to assume anything, so this past weekend I followed her. She drove to his house and spent the evening. Like a dumba** I just sat down the street in my car watching his house and waiting on her to leave. Finally after watching them kiss goodnight, I drove home. Got home after her and told her that I had gone over to a buddy’s house. She was in such a fog from her night with him, she didn’t even question me.
I go back and forth between sick to my stomach, so angry I could kill them both and so hurt I could die.
STW
So, everyone what do we think – Tweet Me, Facebook Me or comment below. “STW” needs our help!
Be M Famous
CMC
Shannon on 03 Feb 2011 at 5:41 pm #
Ask her about it. if she denies. do it again except this time take pictures. I know it hurts. Over all I say ditch. but I know love can be hard. Maybe couples therapy? Find out why she is doing this. STW I wish you luck!
Ashley on 03 Feb 2011 at 5:48 pm #
Omgosh DITCH!!! No if’s ands, buts about it…she is cheating. How is that even a question? This breaks my heart for you too, I just want to give you a great big bear hug for having to go through this…no one deserves to be cheated on…I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through.
Katie on 03 Feb 2011 at 6:06 pm #
So normally I would say the drinking is just a slow bloomer kinda thing, but the boss is flat our a cheating thing. Ditch her ass. Do not think twice about it, do not pass go, Get your $200 in and i hope to God you use this in court so you do not have to split everything.
Ditch her cheating butt and get a better girl. I promise there are a million better lays than her anyways that won’t cheat on you.
Jenna on 03 Feb 2011 at 6:27 pm #
Ditch!You’re only a year into marriage and she’s already cheating? Where do you think you will be 2, 5 years from here? You have put a huge emotional investment into this relationship, so it is not going to be easy to end; but it sounds like she is already willing to risk it.
Chirpykt on 03 Feb 2011 at 10:54 pm #
Okay it seems everyone thinks this is black and white, but I see a lot of grey here. It sounds to me like she is having. A little bit of regret over not playing the field more before they got married. If she has never dated anyone but him and never kissed anyone but him she is probably wondering if she missed out. The increased drinking sounds like to me she is pining for the college days she wishes she had had. I know he is heartbroken, as any man would be. But I don’t think it is as simple as walking away from her.
I do think he should confront her about this because it will only cause him more anxiety and stress if you don’t. But I think he should ask her why she is doing these things and try to figure out if the marriage might be salvageable. Counseling may be a good idea. I don’t think he should ditch her without at least trying to see if it can be fixed. Marriages aren’t disposable.
Bill on 04 Feb 2011 at 2:08 am #
My first thought is ditch. Do it quickly and move on as best you can. However, it sounds like they have been committed to each other a long time and confronting her may help them determine just how important the commitment to each other is to their lives. If its worth holding on to, you’ll stay together. Cheating destroys trust and respect between two people as well as within yourself. Even though she cheated, you may question what you might have done differently, that’s normal. Maintain your self respect and it will help you make the right decision no matter what you choose to do.
em on 04 Feb 2011 at 3:06 am #
I’ve never been married, but I agree with the person who wrote a comment (Chirpykt).
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you aren’t attracted to other people. but that does not mean its okay to be unfaithful and to lie to the person you’ve sworn to be committed to. Communication is vital in every relationship, and its important now to these two more than ever. Discussing the situation is going to do more good than both partners continuing to sneak around.
I don’t think that many years of caring should be thrown away without at least trying first.Things aren’t over unless you let it crumble. If it needs to end, it can be done without it getting ugly. Just be completely honest with yourselves, and with each other. Let it work itself out.
ALM on 04 Feb 2011 at 3:07 pm #
I’ve not been married, but I was in a long, committed relationship (or so I thought) and found out that I was being cheated on. Forgave the person and a year down the road I was hurt again.
You cannot have a relationship without trust and I feel like once someone has done you so wrong it is almost impossible to let yourself fully trust them again. Especially when you have seen it with your own two eyes. From my own experience, I don’t think it is possible to go back to the way things used to be before.
The possibility of her cheating again will always be in the back of your mind…..always.
I think you definitely need to confront her about it and see what she has to say. I also think that you need to “ditch” her. I know that you two have a long past and have been together for a long time but that doesn’t always mean you are meant to be together forever. No one deserves to go through this. There is someone out there for you who will treat you great and would never do this to you.
“The fundamental glue that holds any relationship together is trust.”
Good luck, this weighs heavy on my heart and will keep it in my prayers.
Erock on 05 Feb 2011 at 11:18 pm #
I have been married twice and the first time I was in your same exact situation. We graduated from the same high school, we were each other’s first, etc. We started dating at 16 and it ended after a walk down the aisle at 22 due to drug abuse & cheating on his behalf! From personal experience I must tell you that the odds are against you! I say this because you two have been together since a very young age. You both missed out on the simple experience of dating and learning what qualities you do and don’t like in other people. That is all well in good when you are a teenager, but it is very common that once you become an adult one of you is always going to wonder what someone else is like. What I can tell you is that even though you feel as if “you could hurt them both” that time heals all wounds. I believe in time you will realize what a huge blessing in disguise this is for you. I know that’s easier for me to say, but trust me I lived it. I thought at 22 I was ready to spend the rest of my life with someone who I didn’t even like very much, even though I had convinced myself he was the love of my life. I thought I was content and that I knew it all. I was convinced I could change him, but I was DEAD wrong! THE FACT IS THAT HE WAS ALL THAT I KNEW and really in hindsight I wasn’t ready to settle down at 22 (really who is). Hell, I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted! It took me getting out of that marriage to realize all of this! Once I was divorced and spent 2 years picking up the pieces of my life and my sanity. I grew into a woman that knew exactly what I wanted and I wasn’t going to settle until I found it. Low and behold 3 years after the worst time in my life I met my husband and he showed me what TRUE LOVE is!
I can promise you that there is a greater purpose and love out there for you. I know you feel very betrayed and wonder how someone you have spent so much of your life with already could do this to you. However, she is longing to discover who she is and what she wants. For this exact reason I frown on people marrying so young before they have life experiences. I believe in your situation the only thing to do is let her go. You never know what the future holds at this point. Give it some time and if you believe she is your one true love maybe once some time passes and wounds heal you will find your way back to eachother.
I do believe though that the best is yet to come for you!
worstofanything on 06 Feb 2011 at 11:57 am #
Ahhh well before you cut off I am not sure I am in time but I want to put my two cents in.
First as a man you have to decide if you can forgive her and will forgive her.
I am by no means a proponent of cheaters, however I do realize that although it is against the odds, a couple can survive this.
After one makes the decision to forgive and wants to truly repair the situation then you really need to sit with her and give her an ultimatum. I would suggest it not be based on “I promise never to do it again” but based on spirituality, counseling and a true and deep love for one another.
Everyone has an opinion and everyone has a story. I have two very dear friends of mine that were literally in nearly an identical situation as yours, but opposite.
It took her years after it had happened for the wife to actually confide in me because she “Knew I was too strong and would have walked away”. I promptly explained exactly the opposite. She was the strong one to be able to forgive as well as build trust, she was much braver than I have been in all of my years. I always take the easy way out and cut my losses. Sometimes perhaps too soon, sometimes I stay too long, but regardless. I know that although I am happy and fulfilled my priorities and heart are very different from others.
Most women seem to cheat because of emotional dissatisfaction rather than sexual. They long for an intimacy that may be lost as a relationship matures. Did you guys all out of love? Is there a reason it is her boss?
I would suggest determining what you are prepared to deal with first, then find out the facts.
It seems awfully suspect to me that someone would be so careless that did not in fact WANT to get caught. A fellow comedian tells a joke that says a women is so organized and together that when they cheat they have the plan before they have the man and an answer for everything.
So whether consciously or subconsciously, she needed to be caught. Next the reasons why. Maybe it was just luck and your investigative skills. Perhaps she wants to end the marriage, or perhaps her job is in jeopardy. Coupled with curiosity there is no telling how it got started and because it is her boss perhaps she has no idea how to make it end. Or AGAIN be prepared that she wants your marriage to end.
The reason I give so many questions and so much room for discussion is because of the longevity of your relationship. Couples mature differently. People’s priorities, aspirations and goals change.
You are in a very tricky situation because of all of the variables. I think the most suspect is that it is her boss.
I can tell you I would have been gone the day after I knew, however you do not sound like you are prepared to. A lot of time invested.
If you know in your heart you could never truly forgive her and build trust, please just leave. Otherwise you will spend way too much time and failing anyway.
If you think that you can, well be prepared for rejection, she may want the relationship over and was hoping you would find out. If she is sorry and spouts that she wants to be with you be prepared for a lot of lies and half truths before you truly get to the truth, or something ugly that may anger you more. My suggestion would be to have your spiritual adviser, counselors and close friends ready to assist in the rebuilding OR the dissolution of the relationship it will be a hard road either way, perhaps harder if you choose to stay.
If you choose to leave, everyone is correct, there are plenty of wonderful single women out there that will love you, just don’t bring your damaged luggage with you.
The only thing that stops tears and heartbreak is truly time. I always ask folks Why they stopped crying, and they never really know the answer when asked….. it is time, eventually the hurt from a loss fades, the memory is there but it never hurts to think about.
If she has been your only love then she is also your first heartbreak, so the first is always the hardest. Most of us just learned that a very long time ago and with a string of “learning experiences”
Bullet Points, ha I am ever so long winded;
Figure out your ability to love and forgive, you are going to need this either way.
Talk to her, not a confrontation or accusatory if you want to work it out, but in a conversation. If you feel it may get too heated, find a neutral person to have on stand by. If your gonna leave be as confrontational as you like =)
Find someone or some people to talk to and surround yourself with. Spiritual, Professional and friends. The more diverse the combination the better success rate in my opinion.
Whatever you decide KNOW THIS, I have lots of education, ZERO personal relationship success, A 90% success rate for friends and family that listen, but MOST of All if you know I am a Comedian, please know this is one of the FEW time I am serious=)
Good luck, this would be good with an update!
T =)